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Thom Dunn is a Boston-based writer, musician, and utterly terrible dancer. He is the singer/guitarist for the indie rock/power-pop the Roland High Life, as well as a staff writer for the New York Times’ Wirecutter and a regular contributor at BoingBoing.net. Thom enjoys Oxford commas, metaphysics, and romantic clichés (especially when they involve whiskey), and he firmly believes that Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" is the single greatest atrocity committed against mankind. He is a graduate of Clarion Writer's Workshop at UCSD ('13) & Emerson College ('08).

Pets That Go Poop

Just over a year ago, one of my chinchillas passed away. Pedey (short for "Dustbath Pedroia") was always the stubborn one of the two — the bully older sister — who thought herself some total badass, when in fact she was, well, a chinchilla. As far as we can tell, the cause of death was heatstroke — she was a little overweight from stealing her sister's food every day, and was too stubborn to sit up on a hot day and get a drink of water. But the saddest part about it (because to be honest, she was a pretty mean pet) was her sister who survived her. Yubnub was always the sweet one, and say what you will about animals and emotion and memory, but for a good month following the loss of sister, Yubnub was visibly depressed. I'd let her out of the cage to run around the house, and she would just sit there, not caring. She was always a little skittish when she was picked up by a human, but for that month, she had no reaction at all — and not in a good way. She hardly ate. She didn't even get excited when she heard the crinkling of the raisin bag (a sound which otherwise inspires a Pavlovian response within her).

After about a month of caring for her (making sure she didn't die from depression!) and letting her know confidently that I am part of her "herd" (which is what they say to do with lonely 'chillas), Yubnub seemed fine. In the intervening year, she's been completely normal. Maybe a little lonely sometimes without another playmate, but, well, Pedey was never very playful anyway, and usually just picked on her. While I imagine that the trauma of losing a loved one has essentially disappeared from her small chinchilla brain, I suspect that somewhere inside she still senses something missing. It might not be a conscious realization or memory, but there's something in her muscles — she can tell that there used to be someone or something different here, and that it's missing, but she might not know what that something is.

This week on FiveByFiveHundred.com, after spending a great deal of time with Yubnub over the weekend (there was a heatwave here in Boston, and we hid out together in the only room with air conditioning), I decided to pay homage to the departed Dustbath Pedroia. While comparing her memories to, well, poop might seem a bit insensitive, it's really not — chinchillas (fun fact!) lack sphincter muscles, and thus have no control over their own bowel movements, which means that Yubnub just keeps dropping little tiny poops on the ground behind her without any regard for it. Chinchillas also poop out 90% of what they consume so...it's a lot of poop for a tiny animal (and, admittedly, the biggest drawback to owning one). The ease with which she poops seemed like a fitting metaphor for the way her memory works, so I went with it.

"Shit For Brains" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

San Diego Comic-Con 2011

I regret to inform you, dear readers, that I will NOT be attending San Diego Comic-Con this year. SO STOP ASKING ME IF I'M GOING. It just makes me more upset. I will not have any stories about armwrestling Joss Whedon, or hanging out with Maxim models on the rooftop of the Omni, or nearly getting my ass kicked by James Robinson, etc. And what else do you do when you're sad about something? Write a poem about it, obviously.

Enjoy "Villanelle for San Diego Comic-Con Regrets" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

True Believers Facebook Contest

As mentioned before, my new play, True Believers, will be receiving a workshop production as part of the Berkshire Fringe Festival. I'll spend two intensive weeks in the Berkshires, writing and re-writing, before the public workshop on August 13. Here's the elevator pitch for the play to get you interested:

The heartfelt lives of starcrossed lovers, psychotic fanboys, aspiring comic book writers, cybernetically enhanced humans, and girls who dress like Princess Leia all intertwine over a whirlwind Comic-Con weekend.

(Also, part of the play is set in WORLD OF WARCRAFT. Like, the actual scenes play out within the world of WORLD OF WARCRAFT, when they're not otherwise taking place on the convention floor. Totally cool, right? I'm brilliant)

To get everyone excited about the smörgåsbord of events going on at the Berkshire Fringe Festival (as if True Believers somehow weren't exciting enough on its own), they're holding a Facebook contest to get you extra pumped. One lucky winner will walk away with a $100 cash prize, a season pass to the Berkshire Fringe Festival, and — AND — a snazzy t-shirt. (because we can all use more free snazzy t-shirts, amirite?)

You can read the detailed contest instructions over at the Berkshire Fringe website. Win that money, use it to buy me a beer, and come check out True Believers on August 13!

Finally! The Catcher in the Rye Comes to the Big Screen!

Okay but not really. This week on Five By Five Hundred, I found myself inspired by a comment made in the play Matt & Ben, and decided to write up my own idea of what The Catcher in the Rye would be like if a fully Hollywood-ized Summer blockbuster movie adaptation were ever successfully made. Let's just say it's got all of the jetskis, missile launchers, and knife fights on moving trains that JD Salinger always wanted (I mean, obviously. It's all the subtext. Didn't you learn anything in Mrs. Frumento's sophomore year high school English class? No? You were busy checking her out? Yeah, me too)

"Movie Pitch: CATCHERS IN THE RYE" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

How To Live Safely In A Science Fictional Universe

Read this book. I am not even kidding. The latest novel from Charles Yu, How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe is a brilliantly tongue-in-cheek examination of memories and father-son relationships, through the veil of cheeky sci-fi and wacky time travel concepts. Charles Yu (the character, not the author) is a time travel mechanic with a Masters Degree in Applied Science Fiction. While on a quest to reconnect with his estranged father, Charles Yu (the character) accidentally shoots Future Charles Yu (the future character) in the stomach, but not before Future Charles Yu hands him a copy of a book called How to Live Safely In a Science Fictional Universe, which was/is/will be written by Charles Yu (the character. And the author? I don't know).

Charles Yu (the character) also has a dog named Ed that was retroactively erased from continuity and so technically doesn't exist due to a paradoxical causality but, like any good dog, still loves his owner regardless of his own lack of logical existence.

You can read my full review of How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe over at DailyGenoshan.com, but what really matters is that it's one of the best books I've read in the last year, so you should probably pick it up.

Broetry: Poetry, for Dudes!

Congratulations to my good friend (and fellow FiveByFiveHundred co-founder and Daily Genoshan founder) Brian McGackin, whose first book, Broetry, is available today from the lovely folks at Quirk Books! Broetry is one of the those things that, when Brian first told me about the idea, I kind of wanted to punch him in the teeth, because of how stupidly brilliant and simple it is. It is quite literally poetry, but written for, well, dudes. There's no waxing philosophical about flowers in the spring, but there is plenty of Mama Celeste Frozen Pizzas, comic books, X-Box 360, and HaiKougars to go around. I've been close to this project from its earliest moments, and can honestly say that it is every bit as fantastic as it sounds, and I encourage everyone to pick up a copy (because I guarantee you will find something in it that you enjoy). Also, as an added bonus, my name is in the book, so that's cool, right?

In case you're (somehow) still not convinced, here are a few samplings from the book that I think you might enjoy:

Welcome to Earf

Here's a little prose poem for your patriotic pleasure (following up on last year's Fourth of July post). If you've ever wondered about what it really means to be an American — well, I think I've got your answer right here!

"Freedom's Flame" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

And as an extra holiday bonus, here is a video of the BEST SPEECH EVER from a masterful cinematic beauty that shares its name with the holiday in question:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUdB8gCMcXI&w=425&h=349]

Fancy Backyard Bohemian Play Readings (plus beer)

This is my professional headshot.Last night, we held a small reading (well, okay, it's a fairly large cast, but there was audience, so whatever) of my new play True Believers, at the Westerly Street Theatre Company and BrewPub. Also known as My Backyard. Clearly of all of my neighbors were quite impressed by the psuedo-Bohemian lifestyles of me and my friends read plays and drank homebrewed beer. Did I mention that True Believers is a play about Comic-Con, and includes cyborgs, girls dressed as Princess Leia, and scenes that take place entirely in WORLD OF WARCRAFT? Okay, so maybe we're less Boheme, more Geek Chic. I'm cool with that.

Thanks to everyone who helped out with the reading; everyone had great feedback to share, and the response helped to get me even more excited for workshopping the play as part of the Berkshire Fringe Festival in August (during which there will be a public staged reading of the play, featuring professional actors and directors. Not that my friends aren't professional actors/director [which, some of them are! No, really.], but they're also, well, my friends, and I know them).

Stay tuned (for more information on) True Believers!

The Plot Finds a Life

Today on FiveByFiveHundred.com, I tried another small experiment meta-flashfiction experiment (but I swear, it's not nearly as pretentious as that phrasing sounds. Honest). It was partially inspired by (or possibly expounds upon?) a previous piece that I wrote for the website, titled The NightShift (which is, in turn, the inspiration for a fictional comic book fictionally written by the protagonist of my play True Believers), because sometimes, I guess I just like writing stories about stories. But, you know. With heart.

"Storytime Dreams" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Temporary Drinking Buddies

You know that friend who you always see at parties and when you're both drunk s/he is totally your best friend and you talk about everything, but then when you're sober and back in the real world, it's awkward because you're not really actually friends and you don't hang out or anything and then you see him/her on the street and it's totally weird? Yeah. You know the one.

Today on FiveByFiveHundred.com, I share my own story of my favorite drinking buddy from the local pub who I don't actually know. His name is Paul.

Cheers!

"My First Bar Friend," on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Review: Fun & Games by Duane Swierczynski

Fun & Games, the newest novel from crime fictioneer/Marvel Comics scribe Duane Swierczynski, is the first installment in a trilogy of books about protagonist Charlie Hardie, an ex-cop(-ish) with a blood past from Philadelphia (where else?). It's a frantic loveletter to LA noir, with blistering energy and labyrinthine conspiracies revealing how Hollywood really runs the world. So it's kind of like Mulholland Drive, except it actually makes sense (no offense, David Lynch). Read my full review of Fun & Games over at DailyGenoshan.com!

Rules of the Road

I have a problem with self-loathing. I'm a playwright and a theatre artist, but most "theatre people" drive me nuts. I love comic books, but I think most comic fans are idiots. I listen to a lot of indie music, but find a lot of indie music fans to be judgmental jerks (like me, judging them right now). But, as a bicyclist, there is no group of people I hate more...than bicyclists.

I've been the victim of several bike accidents, and still, nearly every day on my two-wheeled commute to work, I see another fellow bicyclist do something that makes me go, "See? People like that are the reason people like me deserve to get hit." Because karma doesn't always work out quite so evenly, and sometimes you're forced to pay for the sins of other bicyclists.

And so, this week's FiveByFiveHundred is dedicated to anyone who's ever been run over by a bicycle while trying to walk on the damn sidewalk (which is where people are supposed to walk).

"Five Rules for Bicyclists" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Read them. Learn them. Love them.

Bugs Bugs Bugs

I visited my parents' house in Connecticut over the weekend, and enjoyed the blooming of my dad's freshly landscaped backyard while I caught up on some writing. At one point, I looked out to the yard, and never before have I seen so many inchworms in one place at the same time. I can't even tell you what their silk was attached to; I'm pretty sure they were falling straight from the sky, maybe riding on clouds or something. Either way, it was a provocative image, one that inspired this week's post on Five By Five Hundred. Enjoy!

"Inches Away!" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Kitties and Nihilism. Yum.

Better late than never, I have a new review up on DailyGenoshan.com of The Meowmorphosis, the latest literary mash-up from Quirk Books, wherein Gregor Samsa awakens to find that he turned into a giant cockroach giant adorable kitty. From the publisher:

“One morning, as Gregor Samsa was waking up from anxious dreams, he discovered that he had been changed into an adorable kitten.”

The phenomenal success of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies inspired a massively popular literary-remix movement. Now Quirk Classics once again charts bold new territory, turning the monster-mash-up formula inside out to infuse Franz Kafka’s horrific masterpiece, The Metamorphosis, with the fuzziest, snuggliest, most adorable creatures possible: kittens!

Meet Gregor Samsa, a humble young man who works as a fabric salesman to support his parents and sister. His life goes strangely awry when he wakes up late for work and finds that, inexplicably, he is now a man-sized baby kitten. His family freaks out: Yes, their son is OMG so cute, but what good is cute when there are bills piling up? And how can he expect them to serve him meals every day? If Gregor is to survive this bizarre, bewhiskered ordeal, he’ll have to achieve what he never could before — escape from his parents’ house. Complete with haunting illustrations and a provocative biographical exposé of Kafka’s own secret feline life, The Meowmorphosis will take you on a journey deep into the tortured soul of the domestic tabby.

Book Review: The Meowmorphosis by Franz Kafka & Coleridge Cook on DailyGenoshan.com

The Catcall of Cthulhu

Continuing with my theme of bizarrely humorous erotic encounters, my latest post on FiveByFiveHundred.com explores the fine between making love and being consumed by 10th dimensional evil alien pre-human tentacular Lovecraftian beast-Gods. Mostly inspired by this picture:

Hee-hee. Silly HP Lovecraft.

"Cthulhu Do You Love?" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Woke Up New

Does anyone else find it as strange as I do that people like Lady Gaga and Bob Dylan stand up as examples of individualism, and preach about being yourself, et cetera (Gaga more so), while exerting a fairly conscious and contrived effort to be anything but themselves? It's come to my attention that we live in a society where we admire individualism and self as a construct, a world that stresses not just being yourself, but the active creation of the You you want to be.

I swear, I'm not trying to preach anything, or assert any well-formed ideas; I'm just trying to get your braingears moving.

That was pretty much the genesis of the new piece I just put up on FiveByFiveHundred.com, about a boy who longs to grow up and be himself, and the trials he faces along the way.

"How To Be Yourself Without Really Trying" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

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Bang Bang, Shoot Shoot

Happiness comes in many forms. Occasionally, people feel the destruction of public property, or other such violent outbursts, is the only logical way to express these overwhelmingly positive emotions. So today, in light of recent mainstream news, I had a little fun with that idea. Because hey, I'll fully admit — when the Red Sox won their first World Series victory in 86 years my freshman year of college, you can bet your ass I was running around through the streets in Boston in underwear 'till 5am, screaming at the top of my lungs. I just never understood the need for people to smash car windows about it.

(Also I was just getting fed-up with every single person on my Facebook newsfeed feeling the need to EXTREMELY EXPRESS THEIR EXTREME OPINIONS about what happened)

"The Warmest Gun" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=giaBe-yXDOY&w=425&h=349]"Did you see the pool?! They flipped the bitch!"

Writing, Writing Everywhere, and Not a Drop To Read

I have to apologize for the radio silence here at ThomDunn.net over the last few weeks. Layne Anderson, a close friend and former roommate of mine, passed away unexpectedly on April 7th, and as much as I've kept up with everything (well, almost everything), time has been rather a blur. I've chronicled the situation as impersonally as possible over at FiveByFiveHundred.com in two posts — Shark Grief, about my own grieving process, and iWake, which as entirely fictional account of a some inappropriate gallows humor inspired by the situation of which Layne would have most certainly approved. Meanwhile, this week's entry steps away from the morbidity and explores the quantum mechanics of one night stands as interpreted through Bell's Theorem, using the Shrödinger's Cat experiment as a proof. Hopefully, that sounds ridiculous (and ridiculously intriguing) enough for you to check out Shrödinger's Cat Call, also over at FiveByFiveHundred.com.

Also in the last two weeks, we've officially opened Sons of the Prophet at the Huntington, which is then moving to the Roundabout Theatre Company Off-Broadway in the Fall. Plus, I did some filming for Art & Design of the 20th & 21st Centuries and the Boston Print Fair, did a small reading of my new play, True Believers (which is set at a Comic Book Convention and features a cameo by the Cyborg Head of Stan Lee, among other things), and started rehearsals and arrangements for my (wait for it) all-male hard rock Lady Gaga tribute band, Alejandro & the Fame, which is going to be every bit as ridiculous as it sounds. Come check us out on May 20th at the afterparty for Propeller Theatre Company's all-male production of Shakespeare's The Comedy of Errors at the Huntington's B.U. Theatre.

Woo. Okay. I think that's it. Tune in next week for your regularly scheduled programming.

Time Travel! Murder! Philadelphia! OH EM GEE!

Most people who know me can vouch for the fact that I love just about anything involving (a) time travel, or (b) noir tropes. Fortunately, Expiration Date, the latest novel from Philadelphia genre master Duane Swierczynski, features both (along with some great beer and records. Even better!), and you can read my full review over at DailyGenoshan.com. Here's the blurb from the back of the book:

Recently unemployed journalist Mickey Wade lucked into a rent-free apartment — his sick grandfather's place. The only problem: it's in a lousy neighborhood — the one where Mickey grew up, in fact. The one he was so desperate to escape.

But now he's back. Dead broke. And just when he thinks he's reacher rock bottom, Mickey wakes up in the past. Literally.

At first he thinks it's a dream. All of the stores he remembered from his childhood, the cars, the rumbles of the elevated train. But as he digs deeper into the past, searching for answers about the grandfather he hardly knows, Mickey meets the twelve-year-old kid who lives in the apartment below.

The kid who will grow up to someday murder Mickey's father.

Book Review: “Expiration Date” by Duane Swierczynski on DailyGenoshan.com