The 5 Stages of Inebriation (circa 1868)

More proof that Australians are crazy. From the State Library of New South Wales:

The photographs illustrate drunkenness in five stages, played by a male subject in a studio. Possibly commissioned by a local temperance group for educative purposes, the photographs may also have been used by an engraver for illustrations. The penultimate frame of the drunk in a wheelbarrow resembles S.T. Gill's watercolour 'Ease without Opulence', 1863 (PXC 284/30). The printed studio mark on reverse reads "Photographic Artist. C. Pickering, 612 George Street, near Wilshire's Buildings, Sydney"

It's also possible that these images were commissioned in response or relation to the Drunkard's Punishment Bill, introduced by New South Wales Premier James Martin in 1866.

Now that all that history's out of the way...I don't know, I think it's pretty accurate.

Princess Leia's 22nd Birthday Was An EPIC Party, Yo

A (very) short film directed by Chronicle director Josh Trank, who's just been tapped to direct one of the upcoming Star Wars stand-alone spinoffs. Sure, this fun little clip is more than seven years old now, but we can only hope that his contribution to the Star Wars universe is even half as awesome.

Thanks to The AV Club for the find.

The Origins of Pumpkin Beer

New post on Five By Five Hundred about the secret history of that wretched poison that people actually pretend to like. Ugh.

More Booze n' Books

Look, we all know that I love stories and drinking. This is no secret to anyone who's ever spoken to me for more than a minute. So naturally, I've got another article on the topic that's now live over at Quirk Books. Think of this as a kind of companion piece to my How To Drink Like Your Favorite Writer and A Guide To Pairing Your Comic Books and Beer posts. You liked those, right? Of course you did.

"Seven Cocktail Recipes & Drink Suggestions Inspired By Our Favorite Pieces Of Literature" at Quirk Books

Boozin' & Writin'

Here's a new post I did for the fine folks at Quirk Books, about two of mankind's greatest creations: alcohol, and literature.

"How To Drink Like Your Favorite Writer: From Hemingway to Bukowski" at Quirk Books

Haiku Beer Review: The Third!

Continuing in my established tradition from the Mass Brewer's Fest and last year's Winter Beer Jubilee, I present for you the latest installment of Haiku Beer Review, compiled at the 2012 Winter Beer Summit. I make tasting notes into my phone as the night goes on, so that I can turn them into haikus when I get home (and eventually sober up). I know, I know, I'm a genius, it's true. Anyway, enjoy! (Also, thanks to Dig Boston for the free tickets and for putting up with my whining. #thomdunnwantsbeer)

"Haiku Beer Review #3: Winter Beer Summit 2012" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Gluten Free Homebrew! It DOES Exist!

I started homebrewing hard cider when I found out that my good friend and drinking buddy Charles had an allergy to hops (which I still assert is the most ridiculous allergy on the planet, even moreso than peanuts. Hops literally are not used for anything except for beer and the occasional tea! But I digress). Of course it was just a matter of time before another drinking partner of mine came forth with a different problem: celiac disease. Meaning no gluten. Meaning no beer.

Okay, yes, sure, gluten-free beers do exist, but unfortunately, they're not very good. And so, my good friend Jeff Marcus enlisted in my aid to help him create a homebrewed gluten-free beer that was exactly good! Something hopefully more hoppy and full-bodied (gluten-free beers are notoriously sweet and light-bodied), possibly even eventually something darker like a porter or stout (but that's not for a while).

It's currently way too early to deduce if our wild experiment was actually successful, but I'll keep you updated as the fermentation process moves along. In any case, here's the recipe for our Gluten-free HoneyHop Pale Ale (which is the name I just came up with right now and isn't very good).

Top Ten

It's that time of year again, when every website and blog and news outlet dials up their completely arbitrary criterium and publishes their "Top 10" lists for the year. This year I finally pulled off something I've been meaning to do for a while: a Top 10 list of "Top 10" lists of the year. A comprehensive list of the best of the best of the "Best Of" lists. ME SO META.

"Top Ten 'Top 10' Lists of 2011" at FiveByFiveHundred.com

Night of the Living Undead Turkey

Drinking! Family! Revelry! Tryptophan! All the things that make Thanksgiving such a wonderful holiday! But then — what comes after? The barren wasteland full of angry zombies, near-comatose after having gorged on too much flesh and blood. So basically, after dinner time, Thanksgiving becomes kind of a post-apocalyptic landscape, the kind you see in Zombie films or Mad Max. You can figure out where this is going, can't you?

"Post-Turkeypocalypse" at FiveByFiveHundred.com

Haiku Beer Review — Part 2

In a tradition that began back in January at the Winter Beer Jubilee in Boston, I recently posted the second iteration of my "Haiku Beer Review" series, which is precisely what it sounds like — beer reviews, in haiku form (I also try to tweet Haiku Beer Reviews whenever I try a new brew at a bar). These reviews began as voice memos that were taken by my friends and I at the Mass Brewer’s Fest at the Seaport World Trade Center in Boston on September 2, 2011, but I only just got around to compiling the voice memos and turning them into haikus. Anyway, if you like beer and/or poetry and/or drinking, I'd advise you check it out (along with, hopefully, some new beers)!

"Beer Review Haiku part Two" at FiveByFiveHundred.com

Freshman Weekend; or, Beer Beer Sex Shots Shots Shots Shot Puke WHOOPS

Here's the thing: I'm 25 years old, just over 3 years out of college. I stay out late, I drink (and make) lots of beer, I work in the arts, and show up at my job most days in cut-off jean shorts (or "jorts," if you will) and a t-shirt. I don't feel that old — I'm not that old — and the idea of college doesn't seem like it's so far away. But biking from Harvard Square on Friday night, I discovered that college was indeed back in session, and that I have apparently become a jaded old man. It was the first weekend of college for many freshmen at Boston's countless universities. It was a beautiful night as well, so the frosh were out in droves, playing at adulthood by making lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of obnoxious (but incredibly fun) mistakes from which they will (one day) hopefully learn. "Freshmen Weekend," as I like to call it, is not that day. My bike route brought me past Harvard, MIT, Boston University, Northeastern, and Wentworth University, as well as plenty of off-campus student abodes. You know those 13-year cicadas? It was kind of like that.

So mid-bike ride (I swear, it was totally safe), I recorded this poem, which I then fixed up when I got home. Enjoy!

"Freshmen Weekend" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Temporary Drinking Buddies

You know that friend who you always see at parties and when you're both drunk s/he is totally your best friend and you talk about everything, but then when you're sober and back in the real world, it's awkward because you're not really actually friends and you don't hang out or anything and then you see him/her on the street and it's totally weird? Yeah. You know the one.

Today on FiveByFiveHundred.com, I share my own story of my favorite drinking buddy from the local pub who I don't actually know. His name is Paul.

Cheers!

"My First Bar Friend," on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Song of the (Bi-)Week, Week 7: "I Gotta Feeling"

I'm going to be completely honest right now: I think "I Gotta a Feeling" by the Black Eyed Peas is one of the most trite, mundane, and obnoxious songs ever written. And the fact that anyway — including but not limited to my left ass-cheek — could have written something so asinine makes even angrier, because neither me nor left ass-cheek did write it, and neither one of us is famous. The song came on while I was driving the other day, and I started thinking of ways to make it better (and by better, I mean worse, which means better, because it's already the worst. Get it?). So I grabbed my acoustic guitar, dropped it into a minor key, and suddenly America's moronic party anthem sounds...well, it sounds like a struggle with addiction, really. Not to make light of that issue, I do find it interesting how fine the line is between fun and self-destruction, as this musical, but not lyrical*, shift demonstrates.

[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/13193367"]

*Okay, there's a slight lyrical shift. I know, it's slow, it's sad, but keep listening towards the end of the 2nd verse, and there might be a little surprise waiting for you....

Le Fheile Padraig

Alright, so my commitment to posting a new cover song every 2 weeks has fallen behind. I've been recovering from a sinus infection, which of course has rendered me unable to sing. But serendipity shined its smiling Irish eyes on me, and I was able to finish just in time for the Feast of Saint Patrick (one of my personal favorite holidays). This entry into the Song of the (Bi-)Week series is a cover of "Streams of Whiskey" by the Irish rock group The Pogues. This song pays homage to two of my favorite things: drinking whiskey, and Irish playwright/author Brendan Behan, who is also the namesake of my favorite local pub (where I often enjoy drinking whiskey). The original song is an sloppy, upbeat drinking song in 4/4 time; my version follows more in the tradition of Americana, complete with plenty of lap steel guitar, and converts the meter to 3/4 time.

Enjoy, and have yourselves a wonderful St. Patrick's Day!

[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/12036874"]

In Defense of Pub Writing

Every Wednesday, literary blog The Things They Read has a feature called Where We Live that focuses on, "the different places that writers and readers live, in a deeper sense than simply geography — the mental and emotional space they inhabit during their creative lives." This week's article is by yours truly, and explores the Brendan Behan Pub in Jamaica Plain, one of my personal favorite bars in the entire universe, and the lost art (in America) of pub writing. Take a look, have a pint, and enjoy!