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Thom Dunn is a Boston-based writer, musician, and utterly terrible dancer. He is the singer/guitarist for the indie rock/power-pop the Roland High Life, as well as a staff writer for the New York Times’ Wirecutter and a regular contributor at BoingBoing.net. Thom enjoys Oxford commas, metaphysics, and romantic clichés (especially when they involve whiskey), and he firmly believes that Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" is the single greatest atrocity committed against mankind. He is a graduate of Clarion Writer's Workshop at UCSD ('13) & Emerson College ('08).

A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man

It's been a busy week 'round this here parts, so no brand new post over at Five By Five Hundred. Instead, and in honor of James Joyce's body of work becoming public domain, I've shared an oldie-but-goodie that I wrote about 5 years ago, inspired by the first and last lines of Joyce's magnum opus, Finnegans Wake (no, I haven't read the whole think, but I've read some of it). It's a little avant-garde, but it's one I'm pretty proud of from back in the day.

"(riverrun)" at FiveByFiveHundred.com

Wooo! Yeahhhh! Sick Day!

Well so like I had this totally awesome for my writing project today right? But then I somehow wound up with this vicious stomach bug and spent the last 48 hours either (a) on the toilet, (b) with my head in a bucket, or (c) both (not to the mention the awful fever and chills that came along with it). So you'll forgive me for my lack of progress. (I'm feeling better now, thanks)

"Sonnet for the Sick" at FiveByFiveHundred.com

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DAwf6wnNNBw&w=420&h=315]

Poetry Out Loud

Poetry Out Loud is a national poetry recitation competition for high school students, encouraging them to explore and perform poetry. The Education department at the Huntington Theatre Company moderates the Massachusetts State Competition (the winner of which go on to the National Finals in DC). Here's a little video I put together about the program: [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYqA6Ls5pxs&w=500&h=284]

Haiku Beer Review — Part 2

In a tradition that began back in January at the Winter Beer Jubilee in Boston, I recently posted the second iteration of my "Haiku Beer Review" series, which is precisely what it sounds like — beer reviews, in haiku form (I also try to tweet Haiku Beer Reviews whenever I try a new brew at a bar). These reviews began as voice memos that were taken by my friends and I at the Mass Brewer’s Fest at the Seaport World Trade Center in Boston on September 2, 2011, but I only just got around to compiling the voice memos and turning them into haikus. Anyway, if you like beer and/or poetry and/or drinking, I'd advise you check it out (along with, hopefully, some new beers)!

"Beer Review Haiku part Two" at FiveByFiveHundred.com

@Horse_Ebooks: The Poem

@Horse_Ebooks is my latest obsession — a spam twitter account intended to sell, well, eBooks about horses. In order to avoid being deleted as a spambot (which it is), @Horse_Books tweets random phrases from...well, no one's really sure. Sometimes, they're obviously sample lines from various eBooks about horses. Other times, they're just little two-word bursts, like "Boating Needs." If you're really lucky, you'll get some brilliant non sequitur gem like "I wanted to make love to her like a crazed weasel. I wanted to make love to her like I was an aroused teenage boy at a drive" (Yes, that was not a complete sentence, which makes the whole thing that much more ridiculous and hilarious) I decided to scroll through the @Horse_Ebooks twitter account and compile a list of some of my favorite 2-7 word incomplete sentence tweets, and turn them into a Found Poem. It was a lot harder than I expected it to be — some of those tweets make no sense whatsoever, and are even hard to string into some kind of narrative logic — but I'm pretty entertained by the results, and I hope that you are too!

"The Collapse of the Theory of Evolution in 50 Themes" (yes, that title is a complete tweet in and of itself) at FiveByFiveHundred.com

(also — follow @Horse_Ebooks, because it's hilarious, and I guarantee it will brighten up your day)

T-Shirt of the Dead: In Shocking 3D!

Apologies for missing last week's post on Five By Five Hundred — my good friend Moose got married over the weekend (congrats, buddy!) and between the bachelor party, the wedding itself, and the various in town for the same festivities, I kind of forgot that Monday was a holiday, and that I had a piece due. Whoops! Better late than never right?

My new entry for last week ('cause, ya know, I'm a time traveller n' shiz) was inspired by Fashion Week — and, more specifically, the fact that t-shirts and Facebook pages have all but replaced gravestones as the default memorials of our deceased friends. So it's a slightly surreal prose/poetry meditation on the fact that dead friends are now fashionable. But not like, wearing the skin of dead people — that's just weird, man.*

"We Will Become T-Shirts" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

*Unless you're some kind of Nordic Barbarian or something, in which case, well, to each his own, I guess. Who am I to judge?

Freshman Weekend; or, Beer Beer Sex Shots Shots Shots Shot Puke WHOOPS

Here's the thing: I'm 25 years old, just over 3 years out of college. I stay out late, I drink (and make) lots of beer, I work in the arts, and show up at my job most days in cut-off jean shorts (or "jorts," if you will) and a t-shirt. I don't feel that old — I'm not that old — and the idea of college doesn't seem like it's so far away. But biking from Harvard Square on Friday night, I discovered that college was indeed back in session, and that I have apparently become a jaded old man. It was the first weekend of college for many freshmen at Boston's countless universities. It was a beautiful night as well, so the frosh were out in droves, playing at adulthood by making lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of obnoxious (but incredibly fun) mistakes from which they will (one day) hopefully learn. "Freshmen Weekend," as I like to call it, is not that day. My bike route brought me past Harvard, MIT, Boston University, Northeastern, and Wentworth University, as well as plenty of off-campus student abodes. You know those 13-year cicadas? It was kind of like that.

So mid-bike ride (I swear, it was totally safe), I recorded this poem, which I then fixed up when I got home. Enjoy!

"Freshmen Weekend" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Just Another Manic Monday (for a crazy lady)

For some reason, every awkward/terrifying/bizarre thing that happens to me when leaving work gets turned into a silly, traditional poem. Don't know why. Just run with it. There's this woman who walks up and down Massachusetts Avenue near my office, carrying a mirror out in front of her and admiring herself while she walks. I always just assumed she was insane (and that her vanity happened to be a side product of said insanity), and let her walk along her merry way, insanity and all. And mirror.

That is, until this past Thursday, when she assaulted me on my way to the train (on my way to the airport, on way to DC, on my way to another train, on way to Cadillac Carl and his Crimson Cadillac Company, on my way to Maryland for a wedding, on my way to a bus in New York City, on my way back to Boston. But I digress). "Liar!" she screamed, "You are liar! Liar! You bad! Evil Liar! LIAR!" etc., etc., with a bloodcurdling shrillness that was so wretched that it actually gave me goosebumps and left me shaken up for the next half hour. I don't frighten easily, but having a crazy Asian lady with a mirror run at you screaming "Liar!" like you just raped and murdered her family — well, that can be a little intense.

So naturally, I immortalized her madness in a poem. Enjoy!

"The Manic Mirror Maid of Massachusetts Avenue" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

The Internet: Giving Dumb People a Voice

I've been pretty busy writing and re-writing the script for my play True Believers, but we finally start rehearsals today, so I'm pretty excited. Despite the gazillion pages I've written/re-written in the past week, I knew I still had a post due for Five By Five Hundred. I ended up scouring the YouTube comments on my Glenn Beck/J. Jonah Jameson mash-up video and found one particularly vocal YouTube commenter, whose breathtaking (really, the only word for it) diatribe I mined to create the "Found Poem" that makes up this week's entry. It does go a little past the 500 word mark — but it was all too priceless to pass up.

Oh, and also, please note: I did no copyediting of any kind. I simply add line breaks for emphasis. The text appears entirely [sic].

I'd like to take a moment to thank the Internet for providing ignorance with a voice, and providing the rest of us with a constant stream of entertainment and funny pictures of animals.

"Race and the Internet, According to Hogwild19100" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Things We Don't Talk About

Just a short post for today, as I've just started on the workshop for my new play True Believers. But I was able to find a little bit of time to knock out a quick poem for Five By Five Hundred titled "Things We Don't Talk About." It's about things. That we don't talk about. Like that.

"Things We Don't Talk About" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

San Diego Comic-Con 2011

I regret to inform you, dear readers, that I will NOT be attending San Diego Comic-Con this year. SO STOP ASKING ME IF I'M GOING. It just makes me more upset. I will not have any stories about armwrestling Joss Whedon, or hanging out with Maxim models on the rooftop of the Omni, or nearly getting my ass kicked by James Robinson, etc. And what else do you do when you're sad about something? Write a poem about it, obviously.

Enjoy "Villanelle for San Diego Comic-Con Regrets" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Broetry: Poetry, for Dudes!

Congratulations to my good friend (and fellow FiveByFiveHundred co-founder and Daily Genoshan founder) Brian McGackin, whose first book, Broetry, is available today from the lovely folks at Quirk Books! Broetry is one of the those things that, when Brian first told me about the idea, I kind of wanted to punch him in the teeth, because of how stupidly brilliant and simple it is. It is quite literally poetry, but written for, well, dudes. There's no waxing philosophical about flowers in the spring, but there is plenty of Mama Celeste Frozen Pizzas, comic books, X-Box 360, and HaiKougars to go around. I've been close to this project from its earliest moments, and can honestly say that it is every bit as fantastic as it sounds, and I encourage everyone to pick up a copy (because I guarantee you will find something in it that you enjoy). Also, as an added bonus, my name is in the book, so that's cool, right?

In case you're (somehow) still not convinced, here are a few samplings from the book that I think you might enjoy:

Welcome to Earf

Here's a little prose poem for your patriotic pleasure (following up on last year's Fourth of July post). If you've ever wondered about what it really means to be an American — well, I think I've got your answer right here!

"Freedom's Flame" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

And as an extra holiday bonus, here is a video of the BEST SPEECH EVER from a masterful cinematic beauty that shares its name with the holiday in question:

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUdB8gCMcXI&w=425&h=349]

Bugs Bugs Bugs

I visited my parents' house in Connecticut over the weekend, and enjoyed the blooming of my dad's freshly landscaped backyard while I caught up on some writing. At one point, I looked out to the yard, and never before have I seen so many inchworms in one place at the same time. I can't even tell you what their silk was attached to; I'm pretty sure they were falling straight from the sky, maybe riding on clouds or something. Either way, it was a provocative image, one that inspired this week's post on Five By Five Hundred. Enjoy!

"Inches Away!" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

The Catcall of Cthulhu

Continuing with my theme of bizarrely humorous erotic encounters, my latest post on FiveByFiveHundred.com explores the fine between making love and being consumed by 10th dimensional evil alien pre-human tentacular Lovecraftian beast-Gods. Mostly inspired by this picture:

Hee-hee. Silly HP Lovecraft.

"Cthulhu Do You Love?" on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Domestic Violence and the Weather at FiveByFiveHundred.com

This week at Five By Five Hundred, I wrote a short new poem about living in New England, because with the way the weather changes here, I sometimes feel like I'm in an abusive relationship. Every time it makes me miserable, there's a beautiful sunny day to make me remember why I love it here. And then it snows again. AARGH!

Anyway, enjoy!

"My City is a Fickle Mistress" at FiveByFiveHundred.com